Athena in a Minivan

Crash

Graham: It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.

The opening line from one of the most thought provoking movies I have seen to date.  I will post more about it after we get back from Harvest Fest.

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

Exercise and Water

The key to my success this week and in the past with Weight Watchers seems to be tied to how well I keep up with drinking my water and walking at least 4 nights per week. I have done pretty good with it this past week and it showed on the scales with a 4 pound loss. I am now at 296.4. I am so glad to see 300 go away. This week I survived the BBQ. It was not too hard to take smaller servings and it was nice to leave and not be stuffed.

Tim's Mom has a post about the Water Diet. It suggests to drink half of you body weight in ounces but I just  think 150 ounces of water would force me to live in the RR so I am going with 8 10oz glasses for now and by the time I reach my goal, I will be drinking the correct amount.

Thank you for all the encouraging words. It really means alot to me and is helpful to sending me to new ideas and ways to approach this journey. When I travel, I love to talk to people who have been there and get their ideas about what is the best about the journey. I guess this is the same way. The suggestions are really helping me to find some new ideas and reminding me of ones I forgot about.

This week I am going to add some crunches to my workout. I hope I don't die.

I made a Quiz for you! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!

(HT to the Beehive)I am not even going to appologize for it either. I am a teacher, I love quizes!!!

Chipole Calculator

My burrito has 21g of fat, and 487 calories. How about yours?

Now I can eat at Chipolte and stay on program.

Pop Music

I love pop music. I think it is probably because it was a part of my life from listening to I Shot the Sheriff and Old Blackwater Keep On Rolling when I was a young girl to music from Grease and Saturday Night Fever when I was in middle school to '80s techno pop, U2, GO GOs, Hall and Oats, Rick Springfield and REM in high school and college.

I even like some contemporary pop music. Rob Thomas just oozes cool, U2 (thought they have been around since the 80s) continues to sing what I have been thinking, there is one Hillary Duff song I like (my brother and sister will now give me a terrible hard time about this one), and my kids love the Crazy Frog song.

We usually listen to Radio Disney in the car when we aren't listening to our selections for AO or NPR or our local classical station WRR 101.3. We do have a station that I like to listen to when I am alone which is called JackFM. It does not edit out some more suggestive songs so it is Radio Disney when the kids are in the car.

Today, we were listening to the 1982 Queen hit We Will Rock You and Butch says, "why are they singing about taking something that doesn't belong to you? I laughed when I realized he thought they were saying, "We will, we will rob you."

Sugar and some stuff

God is so good. He honors my prayers and has helped me take away the desires to overeat. He has reminded me that He is in charge of this situation and though I got myself into it, I do not have to go it alone. He will be there every step of the way. Sometimes I think this struggle is so minor compared to hurricane damage, earthquakes, poverty, and all the pain in the world. God reminded me today that nothing is minor to Him. Any sin that keeps us from being our best for Him and doing our best for Him is worthy of His attention. I am worthy of His attention.

I am so glad to get that picture of my large posterier end off the top of my web page. What was I thinking?

Thanks to Leslie who suggested that there might be a sugar addiction.  I began looking at sugar addiction and guess what? I met all the criteria for it. Sooooo this week I have been trying to cut refined sugar out of my diet. I have also included white flour since it appears these two are closely related. It has been pretty easy since I already drink only water and tea. Sugar lurks in strange places like cereal, some drinks, soups, and other processed foods.  White flour has been a bit more difficult since I love tortillas, bread and pasta but I have switched to whole wheat bread and pasta and corn tortillas. I have also discovered a new grocery store in the next town called Sprouts. It is a combination of a farmers market and health food store. The produce prices are fantastic and they have such a large selection of whole grain products.

I feel so much better. I am not waking up still sleepy, I have exercised 4 days this week and kept on my eating program all 7 days without straying from it. My attitude towards my family has been better too. I know that they are happier when momma is happier. At my weigh in I had stayed exactly the same at 300.4 pounds.

I do have a couple of tough challenges this week. On Sunday our church is having a big old Texas BBQ with all the fixins. I am already planning what I can eat and how to arrange my day so I don't get off program. I am going to stay with 4 days of walking but increase the time from 20 minutes to 25 minutes. (baby steps)

I know God has put me on this earth to give Him the glory and it is only through His power and strength that I can even accomplish this task. I pray that God will be glorified in my struggle and that He will daily give me the strength to eat what my body needs instead of what it wants.

Confession Time - Thursday night

If you don't care to read my confessions just head on to the next blog on your list.  If you are still reading, I covet your prayers for my struggle. You see, I have an addiction. It causes me to have hateful feelings, it makes me crazy, it consumes my thoughts sometimes, it takes away from my quality of life. What you may ask is this addiction that this mostly normal 40 (eek)year old mother could have and why is she still behind the wheel of a car?

My addiction is to using food to mask or numb my feelings. So you see, I can still function in polite society with this addiction. Matter of fact, my church supports it with pie socials, potluck dinners, and celebration banquets. My family supports it with gallons of ice cream, brownies, and Mexican food. Society supports it with Pizza Hut ads, KFC coupons in the mail, Happy Meals and $4.99 all you can eat.

When I was younger, this addiction was not so much a problem. I played tennis every afternoon for 2-3 hours and it just didn't matter. In college, the all you can eat cafeteria food and the late night snacks fed my addiction  but the summers found me back on the tennis court. After college, lunches out of the office, school cafeteria food and the church singles group helped this addiction continue. There were times that I would fight it and would win for months at time but some stressful event would happen and my addiction would raise its ugly head.

After Butch and Sundance were born, I won over my addiction for a year and a half. It was awsome. I was working out, eating right, my mood stabalized and life was pretty smooth. Then another life event came along and it was back to feeding the beast (the addiction, not me). Baby came along and with many late nights and sleep deprivation, the best way to sooth the feelings was to feed my addiction.

What are and were the results of this addiction? Well here I sit at 300.4 pounds. My knees hurt, I have decreased energy, my sex drive is almost nil (my poor Honey), my mood swings, I am having sleep issues. It hurts and even embarasses me to type that. How can anyone weigh that much? After the twins were born, I got down to 240 but that was still 90lbs from where I should be. This is not the most I have weighed. The most was after Butch and Sundance were about 18 months old. 318 It even makes me sick to write that. My own mother died from complications of diabeties which was brought on partially from excess weight and she was only ever 40-50 lbs over weight. I need to do something about it and last week I started.

Here is the good news. I am doing something about it. My addiction is a spiritual issue as well as an eating issue. I have such a passion and a love for people and the world that I eat over my feelings. When I am angry, I eat. When I celebrate, I eat. When I am sad, I eat. When I am happy, I eat. When I am (fill in the emotion), I eat. I know that I need to fill that with Christ and that He is the only one who can make that feeling whole. I know that in my head and I know that in my heart but putting it into practice is where I stumble. That is why I call it an addiction rather than just a problem. I know the solution.

I am not playing the blame game on this one either. I have choices to make and there are times when a Twix just sounds more appealing than a walk around the 'hood or reading the Psalms. I know that only Christ can transform my heart so that I desire the walk or the scripture more than the Twix. Only Christ can turn off my stomach when it is full. Just like any addict, it takes baby steps. Right now we are on a meal by meal prayer vigil. I have to pray to eat right for each meal. The good news is that it works. When I ask God to guide my eating, He does. Isn't that wonderful. When I try to do it on my own, I get out of control. Tonight, as I suck down a bottle of water instead of eating a late night snack, I have accomplished there I go again, Christ has helped me with a baby step.

I started back on Weight Watchers last week and at the first weigh in, I was down 5 pounds from 305.4 at the initial weigh in. I am also going to attend a First Place Bible  study at my chruch. (First Place is a spiritual based weight loss program.) I kind of look at it as wearing suspenders and a belt. Right now I need all the help and support I can get. My husband is a great cheerleader. He does not nag me when I fall but he does encourage me when I succeed. My dad encourages me too. Any time I start a new program, there is a two week honeymoon when it is pretty easy. The two weeks are over and I am feeling pretty raw.  Like my feelings are on my sleeve.

My prayer this week is for Christ to be in control of my feelings and my eating. I want Him to be glorified in all that I do and to glorify Him is to eat in control. Tune in next Thursday night for my progress. Or join me in this adventure and let me know how you are doing.

AutoImmune Disease Part II

If you haven't already read part one scroll down and read it first.

Let's see, I think I left off in Kindergarten. I loved my teacher in school. Mrs. Ravel never made me feel different even though there were things about me that was different. I had to have special snacks, had black teeth, went to the doctor all the time. I learned to read and learned to love school.

My family always attended church. We went everytime there was something to do, Sunday mornings and night, Wednesday nights and Friday night Family Time. Our friends were from church and I knew everyone was praying for me. Sometime during this year on Sunday Morning we had the Bible story of Jesus healing the lame man. Read it below from Mark 2:1-12. When we came home from church, I asked my mother if Jesus could heal that man, couldn't He heal me? She said, well lets ask Him and Mother and I prayed and asked Jesus to heal my disease.

Two weeks later, I had a doctor's appointment and he said it was the first sign of the disease getting better instead of worse. I do not remember having this disease in the First Grade. I ate school lunches and whatever I wanted. To this day, I do not have any arthritis or food allergies. In High School, I had some knee problems while playing tennis and was sent to a specialist because of my history of arthritis. He exrayed all my joints and there is not even any scaring on them.

Did I outgrow this disease? Did my doctor heal me from it? (He did not think he did.) Did all my mother's hard work heal me? I believe that Jesus healed my disease. There was no television crew, there was no bright lights, there was no religious artifacts, there was only a small child, her mother and Christ. It was not long after this that I asked Jesus into my heart.

Because of this life changing event, I have never doubted my faith. I had solid proof at an early age that Jesus cares for me and wants what is best for me. I thank him regularly for this miracle. When I hear people say that JEsus doens't work miracles today I have been able to testify that he does. The rest of my life has been pretty normal and this miracle has helped me through many rough places in my life. I praise God for his healing and for his Son who loves me and each one of us so much that he will perform miracles in our lives.

Jesus Heals a Paralytic

2:1 And when he returned to Capernaum after some days, it was reported that he was at home. 2 And many were gathered together, so that there was no more room, not even at the door. And he was preaching the word to them. 3 And they came, bringing to him a paralytic carried by four men. 4 And when they could not get near him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him, and when they had made an opening, they let down the bed on which the paralytic lay. 5 And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “My son, your sins are forgiven.” 6 Now some of the scribes were sitting there, questioning in their hearts, 7 “Why does this man speak like that? He is blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?” 8 And immediately Jesus, perceiving in his spirit that they thus questioned within themselves, said to them, “Why do you question these things in your hearts? 9 Which is easier, to say to the paralytic, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Rise, take up your bed and walk’? 10 But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins”—he said to the paralytic— 11 “I say to you, rise, pick up your bed, and go home.” 12 And he rose and immediately picked up his bed and went out before them all, so that they were all amazed and glorified God, saying, “We never saw anything like this!”

Tag - The 23rd Post

I have been tagged in a big blog game from my fellow homeschoolers and my new friends at The Common Room. Here is the directions :

1. Search your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (this is meant to say something about you).
4. Post that sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five people to do the same.

My 23rd Post is titled Life and Whatnot it is about the anniversery of my mom's death in April of 2002. I was wishing that I could spend a few minutes with her. I still do.

The 5th sentence is short but sweet and says alot about me. It says, "I love being outdoors." That is me in a nutshell. I do love being outdoors. I find peace, tranquility, and God in the outdoors. We need another camping trip and now that it is cooler, we are planning one. I can't wait.

Now I will tag someone else...let's see...

My Blue Heaven because she is a cool mom.

Blest With Sons because she is moving to Texas and Texas is the best.

Our Golden Apples because she is doing Year 1 of Amblesideonline and I love reading what she is up to.

Ok, I am tired and want to get to bed and maybe I'll do two more tomorrow.